white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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