she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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