I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
