You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
