I think I died a long time ago.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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