May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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