Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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