he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
