And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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