Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
