The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
too bad you live with your parents still
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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