Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
