the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
pray to the hookup gods
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize