I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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