Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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