puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My vagina is officially offended.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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