What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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