Where is the hickey?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
