Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
