Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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