Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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