Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
