Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
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