wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
