I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
