thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
