my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
