CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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