I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
