I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
