how hairy? two words: wookie tits
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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