so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
