At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So much rum. So many feels.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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