How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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