I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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