just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
