You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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