I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
