Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
