I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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