im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
