My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
