Please, let me fuck your mom
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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