You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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