Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
