you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
