Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We left an ass print on the piano.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
