you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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