I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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