she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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