she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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