Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
