Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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