Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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