my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
