he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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