Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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