i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
