I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
