God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Couch. On fire.
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