Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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