God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
