I'm so fucking centered right now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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