end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
