I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize