So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
