Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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