so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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