Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
