my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have fence marks all over my body
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
