happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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