omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Randomize
