Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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