I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
