I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
